To Anonymous

Anonymous left a comment to one of my earlier posts (Every man is an island).
"happiness is like the horizon.. yu can see it ..never reach. while you are in that happy moment, you may not recognize it... buit live life and do things that make you happy.Do you know what makes your wife happy? do you know what makes you happy?"

I find it thrilling to receive anonymous comments,find it exhilarating to the point of being surreal. The comments themselves are not the reasons for my exhilarations, but the realisation that someone I do not know or someone who does not want me to know has thought it important to leave a comment gives me adrenalin shots. In fact, I had written earlier about such an exciting experience in my blog. Dear anonymous, you can read it here.

So, I start here with a big thank you to "Anonymous". That means you have to read on, anonymous. As I just wrote, comments are mostly not the reason for my being overwhelmed; but this time it was an exception.

I am not sure about happiness (that's why I wrote that piece). But, I am sure about it when I feel it. I could not quite convince myself to accept the allegory of happiness being the horizon. I rather think it is like the other side of the river - you can look at it only from the other side. However, you sure can cross the river to reach it. And for that all you need are - will, skill and eyesight. You can learn to be happy, the way you learn not to fall from your bicycle. You just need to look for those little symptoms, faint signals that are precursor to happiness. With some practice, you will be able to forecast when happiness is coming to you. You know, I can feel it right now, because I know once I finish writing this post, I'll be happy.

You can also learn to be happy alone if you fail to have the chance of being happy in other's company, because you hardly have any other option left to you. It is our destiny to avoid being sad or indifferent. Life's dictate is to try to be happy. You learn to be happy alone and you become an island. That's when the danger creeps in. The day you learn to be happy alone you will be encapsulated within yourself. Nobody can ever touch you again.

Dear anonymous, I know what makes me happy. And I also know what makes my wife happy. Will you please tell her that? Or at least tell her to read my posts? That will make me happy.

Buying his first car

As he was tossing and turning on the bed trying to sleep, I realised it will be quite some time before he could sleep. The excitement was too much for him. After all, he has booked the first car of his life - a gleaming white Hyundai Verna CRDi diesel sedan - only a few hours ago. It was the top of the line model that caught his fancy. His mother and I said, so be it and went straight to the car showroom in the evening arriving minutes before it was closing.

I had to take care in arranging everything in advance. Fortunately, I had a friend in the Hyundai showroom whom I had called up last week giving him details of the desire of our son. I also told him that we would come to the showroom on the day after Biswakarma Puja. Thus, everything had been arranged.

It was my friend Aniruddha Deb, the manager of the shop, who greeted us at the door. The actual work was done in five minutes. Deb had pulled out a form and asked my son his name and address. He had carefully written them down in the form and placed it on the windscreen tucked under the wiper of the car my son had chosen. Deb had also given a few piece of paper to our son, apparently acknowledgement of the booking. After that we were offered coffee, which we had, and then we left for home. Simple!

Kabir was toying with the idea of booking the car (the white 2010 model Verna, not the earlier model)for almost one month now. Hyundai has upgraded the earlier model with a new one this year. The new car has a completely refurbished engine, new front design, new headlights and some other cosmetic changes. He used to like the old model too, but according to him the new model was better. Although car companies do not come up with new variant too often, he was apprehensive that Hyundai may bring out another variant of the Verna or may altogether stop production before he can actually arrange the finance to buy it. He realised it would be prudent to immediately book one for himself till he can arrange the money to buy it.

There was nothing wrong with his idea. In fact, I found it perfectly logical. Book the car you want to buy, and then arrange the finance. The only problem I was worried about was that it would be at least 12 more years before he could even apply for a driving license and another five more years before he could actually think of arranging the money to buy it. The predicament for the car company would be that this effectively meant that they will have to book the car and keep it for him for the next 17 years!

Because, as you all probably know, Kabir is only six years old now.

The Wonderful Hues of Sunset

Artists say, that the most vibrant and most diverse hues in nature are seen in the sky and on objects reflecting sunlight only at the sunset. These hues are the most difficult to capture - whether on canvas or with camera. For centuries, it has remained a challenge for artists - painters and photographers - to capture the enormous beauty of the most amazing colours of sun's ray refracting through the stratosphere. Invariably, what you get is a poor replica of what you see. The real scene often eludes you.

Thus, it is almost impossible to show others what you have seen at the sunset. It is always you, and only you, who can see it the way you see it. Is it so then, that the sunset is only yours? In a way, yes. You alone can fathom the unearthly beauty of a gorgeous sunset, see it with your eyes and store it in your mind. So, take time out to see the sunset someday. Otherwise, you will miss something which actually is only for you.

Every man is an island

How does one describe happiness? What makes us feel happy? Can the same thing that makes me happy make you happy too? Does it need efforts to be happy? Is it difficult to be happy?

I was watching a World Cup match at home a few weeks ago. Interestingly, unlike many other women my wife has interest in football. It was an exhilarating and enjoyable match…extremely thrilling football. I wanted my wife to be a company in watching the match. I did tell her to come and watch the match. But, she had other works…other priority. So, it was me alone watching the match. I could have told her how badly I wanted her company, but decided against it.

You must be wondering about my logic! Well, she is another individual. If she has other priorities, it is my responsibility to respect it. It’s not only my want that is important, her desire is equally important too. I know, when she reads this she would say I should have told her. Women are like that. They want to be conquered, vanquished; they want to be told. You will have to tell her that you love her. May be you express it every moment hundred other way, yet she needs spoken confirmation. Nevertheless, I felt happy watching the game. I would have been happier had she given me company. You see, it is not difficult to be happy.

Did you ever felt like me? Did you have ever experienced the frustration when the only desire you have is to talk your heart out, but the person you want to talk to is too busy with other issues. At some point of time every man is an island…. surrounded by a sea of people. But, gradually one learns to enjoy life alone, with himself. The actual problem starts then when all you need to be happy is yourself.

Chota Bhim's 'bada' message

Last Saturday was different from other Saturdays. I had to watch a very popular animation series called Chota Bhim in POGO channel along with my son. It was his favourite show and he wanted company. So, there I was munching popcorns and watching Chota Bhim with my five-year-old son.

For those who have not been initiated yet - Chota (small) Bhim is a character taken out of context from Indian epic Mahabharata. In the animation series, he resides in Dholakpur, which is complete with a King, his subjects and many other popular characters from animation world. The series is a hotchpotch of various popular animation characters taken out of their context and placed in an imaginary yet contemporary kingdom of Dholakpur. For example, trains do ply in Dholakpur where Bhim becomes superman whenever he eats his special Laddo (a kind of sweet). May be because of this highly imaginary yet contemporary touch, children like it most.

This, however, is not the reason why I am writing this post.

The episode that I was watching had an archery competition in the storyline. While the animation characters including Chota Bhim prepares for taking part in the competition, Kalia - one of the characters always in conflict with Chota Bhim - takes out a bow and arrow. I was shocked when Kalia started to to boast his capabilities saying, "maine yeh Dhanush Assam se laya hun, yeh Bhim ko Assam pahucha dega (I have brought this Bow & Arrow from Assam, this will send Bhim to Assam)".

It will be easy for my readers, who are from Assam, to understand my shock. For others, let me explain. Assam is not particularly famous for bows and arrows like deep jungles of Africa. There are four functional airports (one of them being an international one), almost all nooks and corners of Assam have been connected with railways, there are eight national highways running through Assam, there are two central universities and three state universities in Assam, people live in cities, towns & villages wearing clothes (not barks), there are six telecomm companies offering mobile services in Assam (including Blackberries)and the literacy rate of the state is almost equal to the national average.

The fact that I am writing this post in English and posting it over Internet alone may not be convincing enough to allay fears of bow-welding bark-wearing Cannibal roaming around in Assam. But the information provided above should be.

I have nothing to complain about the idiotic ignorance and absolute lack of interest of people of Indian mainland in Assam and Northeast, its people, its geography, history and culture. I also have nothing to say about the greed of this people when it comes to the 10% central fund specifically kept aside for the Northeast.

But, I do feel hot blood rushing through my veins with hatred capable of turning it into venom when I see these morons corrupting thousands of lakhs of young brains around the country with half-backed nonsense like the one propagated through popular animation films like Chota Bhim. Its a different case not knowing, and an altogether different one telling what you do not know.

God

Let me remind you a little story.

Sinbad the Sailor and his companions got marooned on a vast floating island. They were weary and wet and then one of them lighted a little fire. That’s when the ‘island’ rose skywards with a groan. It was a whale. This illustrates the old saying that "the absence of proof isn’t always the proof of absence".

All my life, I have been fiddling with the idea of God. I keep on struggling to define my position vis-s-vis the belief in God. I realised early in my life that I would have problems with God when I refused the request of my first girlfriend to accompany her to a temple. Of course, I do not believe that it is the curse of God that's why she had left me. I am not an atheist, nor am I an agnostic.

It fascinates me when I look at people totally at peace with their Gods. I do not mind people worshipping god or gods. But I do mind if I am forced to pay obeisance to 'their' god. I prefer to be left alone when it comes to worshipping. I would like to decide for myself whom will I worship... a god or a human.

That makes me what? According to what I read in The Economic Times, I am possibly a follower of Possibilianism. Neuroscientist David Eagleman says,"Our ignorance of the cosmos is too vast to commit to atheism, and yet we know too much to commit to a particular religion. A third position, agnosticism, is often an uninteresting stance in which a person simply questions whether his traditional religious story is true or not true." On the other hand, Possibilianism is open to new positions: one that emphasises the exploration of new, unconsidered possibilities. Possibilianism is comfortable holding multiple ideas in mind; it is not interested in committing.

As the saying goes - "the absence of proof isn’t always the proof of absence".

Law of attraction

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." - David Bissonette

One facet of human society on which a lot have been written and spoken is the intense physical and romantic attraction between two persons. I do not want to be drawn into a controversy by qualifying whether between different sex or in the same. The attraction to each other among human being is often being romanticized by expressions like “The infallible chemistry between the two” and “One being fatally drawn to the other” etc.

That chemistry is indeed on play in the game of attraction become known to me only the other day. Apparently, when some chemicals called phenyle-ethylamines are released into our brain, the romantic love blooms. The affect of these chemicals are similar to those mind-expanding drugs which are so addictive. That’s why romantic love is often equated to an addiction. However, the romantic love always dies down as the amount of phenyle-ethylamines released to the brain goes down with age. Apparently, as people grow older this love is replaced by intimate love or nurturing love that blooms over years of proximity, caring and tolerance(?).

Linda Blair, a clinical psychologist, wrote in The Gurdian "I suspect most people would describe being in love as feeling strongly attracted to someone else, as considering another person to be overwhelmingly desirable". She goes on to say that what many of us confuse as love is actually lust driven by some other chemicals called pheromones. Huh! chemistry again.

"When we are madly attracted to someone else, it is because we sense that they would make excelent genetic match, someone who would allow us to produce the strongest and healthiest offspring. Lust is all about the survival of our DNA". What a concocted view of a clinical psychologist!

I think chemicals have their roles to play. But the dominating factor in the game of attracation is not entirely chemistry alone. It is the stimulus that forces the brain to release these chemicals that are more important than the chemicals themselves. I am sure the sunset over river Brahmaputra releases no phenyle-ethylamines, but it might stimulates my brain to release them. I feel ecstacy simply looking at rain. I feel elated watching a good movie and look around for my partner hoping that the movie would have been more enjoyable with my partner by my side. Possibly Linda could explain these in terms of lust and chemicals.

I find human brain more complex to be explained entirely in terms of chemistry!

Chasing a dream

For the last few months, may be quite a few months, I am doing some impossibly passionate, over-enthusiastic and extremely crazy things; things that I would not have done otherwise; not even had thought of doing all my life. But, I am doing them now; why I do not know. Most of the time, I am not even aware of the aberrations, only to realize them later when I get a chance to brood over.

People who know me will vouch for it that I had never been the impulsive type. I have always taken lot of pain to keep remembering that the head rests above the heart. On several occasions the heart wanted to leap above the head traveling apparently through the throat. Writers describe these moments as the heart jumping into the throat. Instances when you get butterflies in the stomach. However, every time such a moment came, till a few months ago, the head eventually ruled.

So, off and on, it occurred to me that it was probably the mid-life crisis that has caught up with me. You know, a feeling like –“Essentials are taken care of, now what?” So, when I noticed a piece on mid-life crisis by Seema Goswami in the Hindustan Times Brunch a few weeks ago, it grabbed my immediate attention. It took me not even ten minutes to finish up the piece reading and I found it interesting.

Seema has a theory on mid-life crisis. She wrote, “it is no so much panic engendered by the thought of what you haven’t achieved (and are unlikely to) halfway through your life. It’s actually angst, kicked off by envy about all that your peers have managed to accomplish in the same period.” She says, midlife crisis is not about how you failed to live the dream you had when you were young, “its about how that joker from the back of the class seems to be living it on your behalf.” Seema’s theory says that the mid-life crisis is triggered by the single vice called envy. Nice generalization, but a generalization only, that is.

It is hard to believe there can be a theory on mid-life crisis, because in its profound prevalence and multitude of manifestation it defies the boundary of a theory. In fact, it cannot be even defined or classified. The awareness of our life begins by nurturing a dream. Some ultimately realizes that dream only to pick up another dream, and a majority of us nurtures the dream throughout our lives, never ever realizing it or not even coming closer to realizing it. The essential elements of these entire dreams are three – money, fame and power. I agree with Seema on that.

You wanted to be famous writer, a famous sports person, a famous somebody. That would have given you money, power and everything else you need. By midlife you realize, the dream slipping away. You suddenly realize you have not done anything worthwhile, noteworthy and you do not have much time left. It is already late to start again. Now you try to achieve an absurd goal, try to score. In your haste you start behaving like another human being. The only thought that preoccupies you is - What to now?

Nothing! The way your life will go on till the end has pretty much being decided already. You have already put a social value system in place, entangled sufficiently with your environment, have already chosen a philosophy of life and not much of these are going to change – may be a little modification will be there, but not drastic change. Yes, you can still have the dream. In fact, you can take up another. And live the rest of your life nurturing it. Who knows, one day you may realize it.

The generation Next

On a recent visit to the Indian capital, I was traveling by the Metro. It was a morning trip to downtown Delhi and the train was slightly crowded. Not that there was no seat available, but I decided to avoid the effort of locating one and settled for a standing corner near one of the doors. My journey would take around 20 minutes. I was standing alone and therefore had nothing particular to engage myself with; so, I decided to look at the people traveling by the train.

There were many young people – boys and girls. Most of them were probably going for their morning classes and were busy with themselves, with various kinds of gadgets – cell phones, MP3 players, Ipods, handheld games and so on. They seemed hardly bothered about their surroundings. There were many middle-aged people too - like me - and there were a few old people, like the one sitting opposite to me alongside a beautiful teenage girl.

The girl was engrossed with a gadget in hand and two ear phones were occupying her ears. My eyes were coming back to her repeatedly. By the standard of my generation she was dressed rather provocatively. And, by the standard of morality of my generation, I was almost leeching at her. These are the member of “Generation Next”. Self-centred, ambitious, very sure about themselves, ready to speak their minds, very apt in handling gadgets, living in virtual social networks somewhere in the Internet, disconnected from society and without much care for social norms. They live in a material world and values and morality are getting a hard beating in their hands – I often hear people say.

At the next station an old fat woman laboured into the coach and started looking for a seat. She positioned herself in front of the old man beside the girl. The girl, so far totally engrossed in her world and gadgets, suddenly stood up and offered her seat to the old lady. The lady mumbled something in a token protest. She eventually took the seat as the girl said that she was to get down two stations ahead. The train crossed the next station and the next one was for the girl to get down. She did not! Neither did the fat old woman. Both of them traveled till the last station where we all got down. The girl was obviously lying about getting down two stations ahead.

I got a first-hand feel of “Generation Next”. They are not disconnected from the real world; it is just that they do not like it. They are not devoid of values; it is just that they have a different kind of values – modified and better than ours. At least they are not hypocrites. The middle-aged men flocking the coach did not bother to offer their seat to the frail old lady, but the so-called Generation Next girl did.

This world is in safer hands, I believe.

Turning 44

I had my frequently-used and the more well-known cellphone (read official) shut down on my 44th birthday. Partly because I was on a holiday with my family and I did not wanted to be disturbed by official works; and partly because I suddenly did not know how to respond to people wishing me "Happy Birthday". My other cellphone (the older one) was, however, on.
The first reward for keeping it on came in the form of a a birthday wish from a 30+ spinster. Pleasant one! She has been a regular at wishing for past several years except probably one or two recent years when she was too preoccupied with family problems. The next one was, as always, a very old friend from my hometown. The next one was from my brother and the last one was from a recent friend. By midday I was tempted enough to put my first cell on hoping for more wishes. Immediately the phone rang; it was someone from my office asking advice on some official matter. I put the phone off the next moment. The day went on without any further wishes.
Growing older is a tricky business. Turning 44 is even trickier. The body sends in signals that the decay has set in, but the mind refuses to leave the wicket. My spinster friend (actually she is friend of my wife) says 44 year old male are the ones best avoided by women in the office. They are considered dangerous; experienced but bored by monotony and are looking for opportunities and excitements. My brother says, 44 is when the obvious question pops up - Family, house, car secured; what's next? Another journalist friend (female of course) says, turning 44 is like approaching a target, a destination - the anxiety of almost reaching it makes one nervous, the way one gets jittery while approaching a landmark, like a half-century.
It seemed the world has not much of a good opinion about 44 year olds. Does everyone thinks the same way as my brother and the friend? Does they would think the same way about a 50 year old? Well, how will it feel to be 50? Or for that matter, 60? May be 70? I did not bother much to think how did it feel to turn 44. In fact, I could not. I was more occupied with the thought how my father was feeling that day. He has turned 76 on the day because we were born on the same date 32 years apart! I wanted to ask him how does it feel but did not. I was sure he was not thinking about himself. He was looking at me and wondering how the days had gone by; the way I was looking at my five-year-old son and thinking how the days went by.

Mongoose and woman

An woman in a small Indian village had a pet Mongoose which was very fond of her toddler son. While the woman attended to her daily chores, the Mongoose used to play with the toddler.
One day while the woman was busy working, the Mongoose was playing with her son. Suddenly a snake appeared from nowhere and attacked the toddler. The Mongoose put up a brave fight to save the toddler and killed the snake.
When the woman returned the Mongoose went running to her in excitement and in expectation of reward for the great service that it had rendered. It could not communicate in words but tried with gestures to explain to her what happened. The woman could not understand but was terrified to see blood in the mouth and body of the Mongoose. She thought that the Mongoose had eaten her son. Out of sheer anger she immediately killed the Mongoose.
Seconds later she found her toddler unharmed and a dead snake nearby. She realized what might have happened and started crying.
This is a story from Upanishad. The morale? Never rush to conclusions.
I think we need to bring in a slight change in the morale of the story. Apart from the teachings for humans, there is some morale lessons for the Mongoose too.
Never try to communicate to those who risks misunderstanding you. Rather than the woman's failure to take decisions logically, it was the failure of the Mongoose to communicate with the woman. What do you say?

Berserk

Aul or Ale was a brew much liked by the Vikings. After consuming a bucket or two of this brew the Vikings would head fearlessly into a battle - often without their armour or even shirts. The fact is that 'berserk' means 'bare shirt' in Norse.

Mind your P's and Q's

Ale is traditionally ordered by Pints and Quarts in England. So, in old England when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own Pints and Quarts. The phrase "mind your P's and Q's" is believed to come from it.